Really good news

Something pretty crazy is going on.

I have been a Christian for 9 years and some change. Though my relationship with God was initially about transaction and rules—a sense that God probably exists and so I should do what he says—he has continually been faithful to me and worked to make this whole deal more about love for him.

At the end of the day, though, I have consistently found it difficult to really stand on a profession that God exists, let alone that Jesus Christ came and died for the things we’ve done wrong, or that he bought power for us to live a life of love, hope, or joy. I’ve assimilated all the arguments I’ve heard against God, asking alongside those who are uncertain those really difficult questions. While I’ve believed all the while that if he’s really there and he is who he says he is, he’ll keep me with him and eventually convince me, a residue has lingered in me, a shame about being a Christian because of the problems the so many people have with God, the Bible, and Christians. I’ve never looked at God or the Bible as something truly attractive or beautiful.

Recently there has been the strangest phenomenon. I’m starting to REALLY think it’s all true. Yikes! Some different elements that have contributed to this change of heart:

- During June and July, I was wrecked over these basic questions of faith. Consequently, I looked at the possibility that God would not exist. That’s a sad, ugly prospect. This world without the hope of God is dismal—not because it lacks beauty but because it all leads nowhere. As I looked at the potential absence of God, he suddenly became a lot more appealing. And there was a choice to be made, with no guarantees. Simply choose: possible hope, or possible despair?

-I frankly have no clue exactly when this happened, but I have come to really love Jesus. I think he’s crazy and wild, but so good. For the first time in my life, I’m telling him I love him and I mean not only that I respect him, fear him, think he exists, but that I feel awe for him, affection for him, and I think he’s funny.

-A 5-week, in-depth study of the book of 2 Timothy blew me away. This time was super-rich. The number-one thing I took away, though, was the theme of “the gospel” that runs throughout, and especially the insane, revolutionary idea from the Greek of this word, which is literally “good tidings.” So even in the definition of this word is goodness. I thought immediately of the story of the birth of Jesus, when an angel appeared to some shepherds tending their sheep. “The angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.’” (Luke 2:10) Not only is this (the coming of God into the world he created) good news, but it’s cause for joy and it’s for everyone. It’s not cause for anguish of heart or for shame. This is all nice in theory, but really?

- It just took seeing the Good News come alive to convince my heart that there’s some legitimacy to this. And it was the week of our final Bible class that my friend and former roommate Lindsay had a birthday party. A bunch of women from our church were there, along with a woman named Carrie, whom Lindsay has befriended and been preaching to for over a year. Long story short, in the middle of the party, Carrie gave her life to Jesus. The transformation was instant and visible (though unexplainable); within an hour she was speaking the truth of God she’d never even heard to the other women present. Woah. What’s more, I got together with Carrie the other day, and before my eyes I saw her turn to a Scripture she had “heard” (thought, but from the Holy Spirit), although she had never read this part of the Bible before. We read it together, and it spoke specifically to an area of her life that had been really difficult for her lately. Apparently, God’s after this woman and cares intimately about her life. I was dumbstruck.

This is all a bit baffling to me. It’s never felt so close, so real. Yet it’s what I’ve longed to see for years: the out-reaching love of God on the move. It feels like a true adventure has begun.